It's as if the clouds have parted and I am ME again. The me that semi-strangers would say "Wow, Andrea, I never would have thought you were an such an angry person dealing with depression since your teens and have been in and out of doctors offices and therapy for years." That's not to say that I don't have bad days here any there but I am in control of my emotions now. I needed help, I asked for help, I got help. I have control of my life. I am not abusing any sort of substance to be comfortable in my own skin. I am eating good, healthy, real foods (most days, this is, after all, my weakness). I am a better wife and a better mother for these things. I am praying to my higher power and leaning on him when I need strength. I am proud of me. I am regaining my sense of humor and finding myself again. I just have to keep at it. Keep working on myself and developing negatives into a positive picture.
It's good, it really is good.
My next goal is to get on an exercise regimen. Since it's been summer I have been counting all our outside time and trips to the pool as exercise even though it's not. I'd rather enjoy the summer to tell you the truth. Fall and winter are around the corner and since we have a membership to a gym with daycare I can start planning that out. I may even start lap swimming on the weekends. Which means I'll be in the market for a swim cap and goggles (eeee! reminds me of High School!)
I am hoping that this fog I've been in for a long, long time is clear. Clear enough for me to dive back into things I feel like I have talent for like writing, makeup, communicating and teaching (my children). Who knows where I'll go, what I'll do. No more excuses, no more martyr. Life is too short.
Welcome back, Andrea