Over the past 10 years or so I have drifted far, far, far away from God. Never denying his existence, just not sure if I was deserving of that love and understanding yet always knowing he was there.
Turns out he's been waiting on me to come back.
For the past three months, maybe even longer, I have really, really been struggling with pretty much everything in my life. That's all I can say about that just because honestly, it's not important now and I choose to look forward, not behind. I have been talking to God, praying to him, begging him to please, please PLEASE help me get myself together, to help me be a better Mom, a better wife, a better person. I've been searching, reading and asking lots of questions. Yesterday my Mother in Law mentioned that she sent my hubby "The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything" and I thought, "hey, I think I'll pick it up and scan it. This book that's been sitting on my bookshelf for months, I pick up, read, get 5 pages in and feel something. I would call myself a skeptic for sure but to me, there was no denying that yesterday I was compelled to close that book, call Henry over to me, tell him I was praying to God and inviting him back into my life. And I did! I asked God and Jesus back into my life, that I need their guidance, love and understanding.
**This was after I talked to my Mom, all freaked out asking what do I do?!? I need to be saved! I need a church!! She just told me I just needed to pray, invite Jesus and God back into your life and worry about the church later. Mom's are great**
I honestly believe that I was moved by a higher spirit, the Holy Spirit, God, whatever you need to call it to understand it.
Did you know after I did that I literally felt like a weight was off of my chest and so very HAPPY! Joyful. Proud and I felt like celebrating. I called my Mom, Dad, Aunt, Cousin, so many happy conversations. I want to see God in everything I do. I want to be blessed and I want to see everything in a new light. I know now that is a possibility for myself and my family.
This is just the beginning of our journey. We have lots of hurdles to jump over and lots of things to figure out but we're starting it! We're starting this journey. I hope you can be happy for my family and I.
**A little back ground: I was brought up Free Will Baptist and while I do not think that this will be our new religion I wanted to explain the whole urge I had to be saved. I have been saved and baptised when I was 8. That's a BIG DEAL in lots of churches, I felt, in my case, that it needed to be renewed. **